Unluck of the Irish
by clandestinedownpour
Summary: Mostly a collection of humerous drabbles.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer – I own Artemis Fowl only in my imagination.

I'm fairly new to this, so please review. Flames make me cry, but do what you have to.

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At the beginning of our epic (or not so epic) story, we find the great ex–criminal mastermind on the floor with his twin siblings, covered from his impeccably neat hair to his Armani Loafers in finger paint .Mr. and Mrs. Fowl watched unseen by the trio, gentle smiles on their faces.

Not only due to the amusing scene that met them when they returned home from shopping, but also due to the sight of their antisocial firstborn wearing an evil grin as he smacked Myles on the head with yet another paintball.

**Meanwhile**, Holly was currently diving into yet another pity fest with surprising enthusiasm. The holidays were her least favorite time of the year. As much as she tried to hide it, her friends noticed it too. Which was why they made her "volunteer" to decorate the headquarters for this year's LEP Christmas party.

So here she was, hanging up red and green streamers while listening to the ramblings of a hysterically happy Foaly,and a serene as ever Trouble singing 99 Bottles of Beer On the Wall( i'm oxymoronic. sue me) in a succeeding attempt to annoy Holly.

Holly made a mental note to find new friends.

Trouble started singing The Song that Never Ends as Foaly joined him with centuarian dance steps.

Holly made another mental note to find new friends _fast_.


	2. Chapter 2

The next chapter in our epic (or not so epic ) tale finds our hero in the walk-in closet attached to his expansive room with nothing to wear. No, bouts of teenage exaggeration have not hit Artemis. Instead , the oh- so-evil pranks of Juliet had.

Which is why Artemis's closet had been stripped bare of all it's Armani suits and spotlessly clean loafers. Instead, it held a pair of ragged jeans, a t-shirt proclaiming "Kiss me, I'm Irish" , and the crowning glory, a pair of worn fluorescent blue tennis shoes, held together by strategically placed pieces of duct tape. Too bad the duck tape failed to block out what smelled like a rather...pungent (excuse the euphemism) combination of rotten tomatoes and dead rats.

Stepping downstairs in the strangely teenager-ish attire , he was met by shocked yet pleased expressions on Mr. And Mrs. Fowl's faces, while a fit of giggles (yes, giggles) erupted from Butler. This was going to be an extremely long day.

Meanwhile...

Captain Holly short was getting ready for an extremely dangerous mission. Not busting bad guys but the cleaning of her congested loft. With a snickering Trouble and Foaly "helping" her. While singing off key renditions of Britney Spears.

As she tuned out to yet another brain-cell killing verse of 'Toxic' , she sighed. And made a mental note to steal Foaly's Hoof Moisturizer.


	3. Chapter 3

Artemis;

The date was not going well. Minerva, who Artemis had always considered a colleague, was now reduced to batting her eyelashes and clinging onto his arm.. The courses dragged on, and with each girlish fit of giggling, Artemis mentally cursed himself. Why had he, of all things agreed to this horrendous date? Blasted puberty. With a sigh, he pushed back his chair, wincing at the nails on chalkboard squeal as the chair grated against the marble floor. Placing his delicately folded napkin on the table, he walked out of the restaurant with slow and rather deliberate footsteps, that grew lighter as he neared the door. A bewildered Minerva sat, stunned. What had she done wrong?

Holly;

To state that Major Holly Short was extremely angry would be like saying the Greek civilization was mainly composed of uncultured street dwellers. Brief flashes of disbelief and embarrassment crossed her elfin features. An evil grin akin to one of Artemis's could be seen on Folly's Face. Why?, you might ask.

Because all the screens in Police Plaza showed one thing.

A photo.

Of Holly. And Mulch.

Kissing.

It was photoshopped of course. But Holly would have to kill Foaly nonetheless.


End file.
